2021.12.08 18:06 hazhulkha Deeply struggling with my mental health, but afraid to seek help
I'm in Ontario, Canada.
I am going to be completely straightforward honest about everything here. No point whatsoever in beating around the bush.
My life, mostly due to family issues, has always been unstable and filled with turmoil, and I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety since I was very young. I began self harming as a small child (I will not specifically say what I did to myself though, as I do not want anyone reading this to get any ideas and do the same awful things I did).
Things reached a breaking point when I was fourteen. I was brought to the hospital several times by the police for self harm and suicidal behaviour. On two occasions, I was admitted to an inpatient psychiatric ward. One time was non voluntary, following a very serious suicide attempt.
Over the years ever since then, I have seen many mental health care professionals. So, I am very well acquainted with the system. Let me just say, not everyone in it is entirely compassionate.
This past year has been difficult, with many changes in my life (my pregnancy only being the tip of the iceberg).
My self injury habit is something I am happy to say I have long overcome, but my core mental health issues, not so much.
I went through a very dark period where I was on a path of utter self destruction. I was severely abusing alcohol and drugs (not illegal ones, around here they are actually readily available at any drug store, but again I will not be specific because I do not want anyone doing the same thing I did).
Ultimately, I ended up being rushed to the hospital after I was discovered unconscious in a parking lot. A random stranger apparently saw me lying on the ground, and called 911 when they found I was unresponsive.
I know how lucky I am to be alive... if that person hadn't found me, I wouldn't be here. I wish I could know who they are, just so I could thank them... They saved me that night.
Anyway, I know this post is getting very long, so I will try to wrap this up. I am pleased to say that is in the past - I have completely and 100% stopped the substance abuse and have been clean since long before I got pregnant.
However... I still fear for my mental health. I am supposed to be on prescription medication, but I very foolishly stopped taking it months ago, and I know I absolutely cannot just start taking it again without a doctor's supervision.
Life has been very stressful to say the least. Mine and my partner's living situation is precarious, and far from ideal right now. We are doing everything we can, including contacting a lawyer about the fact that our one room apartment isn't heated and infested with black mold, and the landIord will do nothing about it.
I am often extremely stressed and have bouts of severe depression where, yes, I do think of suicide. I often just break down in tears out of utter despair.
I am afraid to seek help, because we've tried to go to various people for help with various things lately, and almost everyone has just told us to get lost.
More than that, I am terrified of being judged. I am afraid of being deemed a useless unfit parent and having my child ripped away from me...
At the end of the day, even though I haven't met him/her yet, my child is a person I already love with every fibre of my being, more than words can express. All I want is for them to be healthy. To love and care for them, to be the best person I can be for them, to provide everything they need...
I know I need help to do that, but as I said, I am scared. I don't know who to reach out to who would understand or be willing to help.
I am anxious and afraid for the future.
Please... If anyone can share any words of wisdom, or advice... Anything. :-(
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2021.12.08 18:06 Maripanic Have other games to play.. Just finished a solavellan playthrough. My brain:
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2021.12.08 18:06 HEB1999 90 day's before transferring
I just switched to tsst in the beginning of November but I just keep Getting hurt I already worked at this HEB before but if I tell them how I feel and if they are understanding of me would I have a chance to try applying for a different position?
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2021.12.08 18:05 MaddieLapetina Quick Quebecois Survey
Hello everyone! My name is Maddie, and I am a french student at the Pennsylvania State University. As a part of my french morphology class, I am conducting a survey concerning French and quebecois slang. If you are between the age of 13 and 30, are a native Canadian, and speak French as a second language, I would so appreciate you filling out the form below! It shouldn't take longer than 5 minutes. If you know anyone else that fulfills these qualifications, please share this form with them! Thank you so much for your help!
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2021.12.08 18:05 Vnterwegs Briefly about matchmaking in this game
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2021.12.08 18:05 just-claire Feel like I should have been posting here since December 1st 😅
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2021.12.08 18:05 No-Seat-7609 Is this a bed bug? It’s really tiny
2021.12.08 18:05 NerdyParker00 Wonderful Q&A with PTA at Palm Springs. Actually some new questions. Great moderator too.
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2021.12.08 18:05 DatBangsat People born on February 29th, how and when do you celebrate your birthday?
2021.12.08 18:05 DreamMighty Only plugged the light in once and it’s already flickering. I wonder why. 🤔
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2021.12.08 18:05 Dependent-Guest7333 Question about stud wood in new construction homes. Question for new build home conturctiom experts
We are looking at a new construction home. While just exploring the homes in that neighborhood, my dad noticed the woods of the studs are not single piece, rather multiple different woods glued together. We don't know if this is normal or are they trying to cut cornera. Will this have any impact on the longevitiy of the home itself?
Thanks in advance
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2021.12.08 18:05 Wonderful_Answer_947 White spot on roof of mouth wtf is this !! I'm worried.
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2021.12.08 18:05 DAT_DROP 'Surprise' 2hr30min tourney ban explainer
If you leave a tourney pre-ending, your 2hr30min ban does not begin to activate until the next time you try to join a tourney, however long that may be.
Most probably know this; it will help others.
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2021.12.08 18:05 Micro_fin Perfectly balanced, as all things should be. [Mario Party Superstars]
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2021.12.08 18:05 bookworm6879 Ava
2021.12.08 18:05 skuseisloose [University Calculus: Triple integrals] I think using Spherical coordinates. Confused on how to find the bounds or the density equation.
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2021.12.08 18:05 Method__Man I broke my BRAND NEW ROG Flow... but ASUS saved me
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2021.12.08 18:05 Codeeveryday123 Arduino code vs commercial
When using Arduino, the IDE, What should I compare the code of Arduino to? OR, well since it’s more hobbyist vs commercial....
How much or many of the concepts of Arduino, match up to the commercial use in the real world, and also other libraries??
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2021.12.08 18:05 Honest_Star1167 Spotted while walking through Times Square. Congrats to Gluwa for having the most interesting crypto ad that I've seen!
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2021.12.08 18:05 VACation04 Found this under a minecraft video.
2021.12.08 18:05 dwide-schrude-amish In love with my first thigh-highs
2021.12.08 18:05 Abject_Delay_7495 🚀GoldenDogRun | $BUSD Rewards | Locked Liquidity | Anti-Whale System | Play-To-Earn-Mobile Game | Huge Marketing | 1000x potential 🚀
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2021.12.08 18:05 Pollo3652 Can someone ID this birds, they were spotted in Quito, Ecuador
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2021.12.08 18:05 Interlection Concrete solidarity: Strike grows in King County
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2021.12.08 18:05 Harlock- Econ 380 with a new professor
Hello everyone, hope you're doing well. I'm deciding whether to take ECON 380 next semester or not. The section taught by professor Holland is unavailable and the other professor taking the class next semester is Professor Seungki Hong who seems to be a brand new professor (no feedback of his classes anywhere, he has started teaching since fall 2021). I'm not low on credits, so to others who have taken the class or know the professor, would you recommend taking the class another semester or should I risk it and take it this semester?
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